Welcome to a new “chapter” (or many), at Mommy’s Bliss. This is MommysBliss360 meets “Mom Your Way”. A book that doesn’t hold back and penned by our very own Mommy’s Bliss CEO, Yasmin Kaderali. We’re not sure where she found the time to write a book, run a company and raise two littles, but we’re glad she did. Check in often for new book excerpts, and thoughtful, honest, and yes, hilarious insights around momming your way. Turns out your way is the very best way. Who knew? Yasmin knew.
From returning to work, to sore nipples, no topic is off limits…and we love that. Let’s start with mom labels and the negative effect of the “should.”
We’ve never felt like “we’re in this together” more. Thank you, Yasmin.
“And there it was – a case of the “should”! I had already labeled myself without even knowing it.”
(The following is an excerpt from Mom Your Way.)
During these early days and months, it’s especially hard to feel like yourself because everything you are doing is new. Every day you are learning about yourself and your baby. And while you may not even realize it, the labels and pressure to be some type of mom are there. Often I found that the pressure was only in my head based on my own expectations of how I would be during those first few months. But I also got these expectations from “norms”—other mom friends, family, social media, TV, and more.
Looking back, I don’t know why I thought to even have any expectations when there are so many unknowns. Right after my second son was born, I had a weird, itchy rash all over my belly. Every doctor told me to ride it out, that it was just a hormonal reaction. The chill mama I thought I would be (since I was with my first) was thrown out the door—instead I was cranky, tearful, and itchy for the first week. I kept thinking, I shouldn’t be cranky right now. I should be enjoying these first moments. And there it was—a case of the “shoulds”! I had already labeled myself with out even knowing it. In mommyhood, labels just lead to guilt, shame, and disappointment.
So as you enter this period, maybe you are feeling comfortable with your momness (who are you?). Maybe you aren’t sure what the heck you’re doing most of the time, which often happens to most of us. Either way, the best bet is to just be yourself and own the kind of new mom you are and accept that every day is different. There is no expectation that you suddenly fit some kind of label. You can be the Village Mom; the Research-Everything Mom; the Badass, No-B.S. Mom; the Must-Prepare-for-Everything Mom; the Blissed-Out-Oh-So-Zen Mom; the
Confident, Happy Mom. Heck, you’ll probably be all of these moms at some point! Maybe even all on the same day. And that is absolutely okay. Don’t worry about perfection. It doesn’t exist when it comes to taking care of a newborn. Just do your best to be loving, patient, and kind with yourself and your baby.
Personally, I identified with all these mom labels during the fourth trimester. And some days, I still do! I remember times when I wanted to talk to friends and ask questions and take all of their advice. But other times, I just wanted to figure things out on my own and go with my natural mommy gut instincts. I liked the freedom to be able to say to someone, “Umm, that didn’t work with my baby!” and not instantly feel like I was the worst mom on the planet. Your baby is one of a kind, and so are you. You get to navigate this journey in the way that feels most comfortable to you. Whatever that means to you today—just own it, embrace it, and surrender.
Visit MommysBliss360 often for more pearls, laughs and commiseration from Yasmin. And if you love to hold a book in your hand, “Mom Your Way” is available right here on mommysbliss.com. Make room on your bookshelf and reach for it whenever you find yourself wondering if you’re doing it right – spoiler alert - you are.
This site is intended for informational purposes only and does not provide medical advice. Please consult your physician or other health-care professional.
