How to Ask for What You Need and Set Boundaries During the Postpartum Period

Navigating new parenthood? Welcome to an entirely new dimension where you're fueled by baby snuggles and often powered by, well, caffeine and adrenaline. But let's be clear: this brand-new chapter isn't just about your irresistibly cute new family member. It's about you, too. Taking care of yourself isn't some sort of bonus or luxury item you can skip; it's foundational for your family's happiness and your own personal wellbeing. It’s time to let go of any guilt you might feel about setting clear boundaries and asking for what you need. It's not just okay—it's essential.

Surrounding Yourself With Different Levels of Support

1. Professional support:

When we talk about postpartum, the mind often gravitates towards medical care. Yes, the six-week checkup is important, but the professional support spectrum extends beyond your OB/GYN or midwife. Lactation consultants, mental health professionals, and even physical therapists specializing in postpartum care are valuable resources. Don't hesitate to ask for referrals or search for experts in these areas. If you're experiencing the 'baby blues' or grappling with something more severe like postpartum depression, know that you're not alone. Mental health professionals are there to provide personalized coping strategies just for you, in a supportive and compassionate setting.

2. Personal support:

Personal support comes in the form of friends and family who can provide emotional sustenance, practical help, or sometimes, a listening ear. Communicate your needs openly; your close ones can't support you effectively if they're left guessing what you want. Whether it's someone to watch the baby while you take a much-needed nap, or a friend to talk to about your day, personal support is as diverse as your social circle. Remember, it's okay to be selective about who you spend your time with—energy is a finite resource during this period, and it's okay to prioritize those who help you recharge.

3. Local support:

Your local community can often provide what your immediate circle might lack. Consider joining local parenting groups, where you can find others going through the same experiences. Many areas have community centers offering postpartum exercise classes or baby-and-me events. Local libraries often have reading sessions for infants. These are not just activities for your baby; they're opportunities for you to step out, get some fresh air, and feel like a part of a community.

4. Virtual support

When leaving the house feels like an expedition to the moon, online forums, social media groups, and telehealth services become your lifelines. You can ask questions anonymously, seek advice at odd hours, or scroll through to realize you're not alone in this journey. Some excellent apps connect you directly with healthcare providers or offer evidence-based advice on everything from breastfeeding to baby sleep patterns. The digital world can be a supportive community, especially when physical support may be limited. Just make sure to prioritize platforms and sources that offer evidence-driven content and reputable advice, so you're getting the most reliable and helpful information possible. When vetting your online sources, there are a few things to look for:

Look for platforms where advice is given or curated by certified professionals in the field—physicians, psychologists, specialized healthcare professionals, or certified strategists like us.

• If a platform frequently cites peer-reviewed papers or is regularly updated according to new research, that's a good sign.
• Platforms that have strict community guidelines about the type of advice that can be shared are generally more reliable.
• The platform should clearly state its mission, and possibly its methods for content creation and selection.
• Don’t underestimate the value of good user reviews! If a lot of professionals in the field are recommending it, that's a positive sign.
• Sometimes, real-world examples of how the platform or app has been effective can be very telling.
• Make sure to check how the platform or app handles and protects your data.

As a new parent, you're in the driver's seat but not alone on the road. Setting boundaries and asking for help isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of self-awareness and strength. After all, it takes a village not just to raise a child, but to support a parent too. Remember, reaching out for support can also offer you fresh perspectives and practical solutions that you might not have thought of on your own. By actively assembling a support network, you're modeling healthy behavior for your child, showing them the importance of community and self-care. In the next section, we'll dive deeper into effective communication strategies to ensure you're heard, validated, and supported in the ways that benefit you most.

Assembling Support in a Way that Works for You

Once you've identified the various avenues of support available to you, the next step is to assemble these in a way that genuinely serves your needs. Not all types of support are created equal, nor do they all serve the same purpose. It's a bit like assembling a puzzle: each piece is essential, but they have to fit together in the right way to create the full picture!

1. Specify your needs:

First and foremost, you need to have a clear understanding of what you need. This might require some introspection.

• Are you feeling isolated and need emotional support?
• Are you overwhelmed by the household chores piling up?
• Are you in search of professional advice on how to navigate feeding or sleep schedules?

Once you understand your own needs, you'll be better positioned to communicate them to others.

2. Tailor your approach:

When asking for support, consider the individual strengths and capabilities of the people in your circle. Your partner might be great for emotional support but not the most skilled in the kitchen. Maybe your best friend is a natural at soothing your fussy baby but isn't up-to-date on the latest lactation techniques. Tailoring your approach means aligning the right kind of help with the right person. Here are some ways to have that discussion:

• With a partner: "I really need someone to talk to about the emotional rollercoaster I've been on. Would you be up for a heart-to-heart tonight after we put the baby to sleep? Let's order takeout so we can focus on our conversation."
• With a best friend: "You're amazing at calming my baby—would you mind coming over to help keep him settled while I talk to a lactation consultant online?”

By framing the discussion this way, you not only ensure that you're getting the specific kind of help you need, but you're also playing to the strengths of your support network. This makes the support more effective and lets people feel they're contributing in a meaningful, supportive way.

3. Setting appropriate boundaries:

If you've been given the sage advice to "sleep when the baby sleeps," you'll know it's easier said than done. It's even more challenging if well-meaning relatives decide that the baby's naptime is the perfect opportunity for a lengthy visit. Setting boundaries means taking control of your time and personal space.

Communicate openly and clearly about your boundaries. Here are two examples:

• "I appreciate your help, but I really need some time alone right now”
• "I'd love for you to visit, but could we make it another time? I need to rest."

Boundaries are not only about saying no; they are also about saying yes to your own wellbeing!

4. Asking for what you need:

Once your support network is in place and your boundaries are set, the final step is to articulate your needs clearly. This might seem intimidating, but keep in mind that most people want to help; they often just don't know how to do so without feeling like they're imposing or asking too much.

• When asking for what you need, try to be as specific as possible. Instead of saying, "I need help with the baby," you could say, "Could you watch the baby for an hour while I take a shower and sleep?"

Being specific, not only clarifies what you're asking for but also makes it easier for the other person to agree to help. Taking this multi-faceted approach to asking for help and setting boundaries during the postpartum period can significantly mitigate stress and contribute to a more balanced emotional state. This is one of the keys to preventing burnout in the long run.

In the final section, we will explore strategies for maintaining this newfound equilibrium and ensuring that your support network evolves as your needs change.

How do you maintain this balance as life continues to unfold? Here's how to keep the equilibrium intact and fluid:

1. Stay open to reevaluation:

First things first, don't forget to pause and take a moment to check in on how you're doing. Some questions for a quick self-check-in:

• How are you feeling? Are there gaps in the support you're receiving? Have your needs shifted?

Just like you'd revisit a job description during an annual review, take time to reassess your support circle and boundaries. Make it a point to schedule this reflection, whether it's every month or every week. Your needs will change as you progress through parenthood.

2. Keep the lines of communication open:

If things have changed, your first step is to communicate these changes to your support network. Now, I know that sometimes asking for help or setting boundaries can feel like you're inconveniencing someone. Please keep in mind that most people want to be helpful; they just need a bit of guidance and specificity. Whether you prefer a direct conversation, a heartfelt email, or a friendly text, don't hesitate to update your people on what's new and what's needed.

An example:

• If you've been co-sleeping but now need to transition the baby to their crib, you might say to your partner, "I've realized I need a solid night's sleep to function better. Can we share the responsibility of sleep training for a week?”

3. Adapt and expand your support network

As your needs change, so should your support network. Maybe early on, you really appreciated those home-cooked meals from friends. But now, what you really need is someone to watch the baby for an hour so you can exercise or meditate. It's okay to seek new kinds of support. It doesn't mean you're inconsistent; it means you're adaptable! For instance, if you find you're struggling with stress management, you could consider seeking out a mindfulness coach or therapist. You could say:

• "I've noticed I'm carrying a lot of stress. Would you be open to watching the baby for an hour once a week so I can speak to a mindfulness coach?"

4. Document your strategies:

Keep track of what works and what doesn't. Think of it as your personal "Support Network Playbook." That way, if similar needs arise in the future, you won't have to reinvent the wheel!

By putting in the effort to maintain your support network, you're investing in your well-being and that of your family. After all, a balanced, happier you is the best gift you can offer your child and those around you. Remember, you are more resilient than you realize!